7 Bonus Years

I know you thought you'd never see 19 years
Yet here you are for another birthday!
I know your childhood was filled with heavy tears
But you didn't let it stay that way.

You reached out for help and I came when you called
You trusted, loved, felt safe for the first time
That isn't to say there weren't times when you'd fall
But when your arms felt weak, you found strength in mine

I remember the day I saw hope fill your eyes
When I walked through the door, you had a new spring in your hands
Gone were the days filled with endless gray skies
And coming were days of light filling your land

I saw you get your first cert, job, and love
Milestones you were sure you would never achieve.
But you didn't stop there, you went beyond and above --
Amazing what you can do when you finally believe!

Now, even though our time together's in rear-view,
I pray you know I will always be proud of you!

Let the Process Begin

It's been nineteen months since that night,
Nineteen months since both our plans changed
It was supposed to be you and me against the world
But life didn't work out that way.

In a moment, joy turned into fear
Our communication - from calls to complex ciphers
A clear, certain future became a dense fog
And our distance started growing ever wider.

Five months later, I lost you for the second time
You told me you were healing, but this chapter would be alone
I admit, I never saw that page-turn coming
But in hindsight, I can see that you had grown.

So I moved - back to a place I knew
I claimed it was for comfort, but really, I was running
I thought I'd started to heal - back to work, serving, and church
But in actuality, I was just numbing.

Tonight, nineteen months later, I'm done running from my feelings
Tonight, I'm ready to process my grief
So this space, I give to you, my daughter
And in this space, Lord, I pray you'll give me peace.

Un-Healing Runs Red

Yesterday's wounds are still bleeding
When will you start your healing?
I'm covered in your blood
Caused by a knife I never touched.

I tried to dress your cuts
But nothing I did was ever enough.
Every time I applied fresh gauze
You would find even more flaws.

What about the cost to my well-being?
What about all the pain I am feeling?!
While I'm here cleaning your gashes,
I feel like I'm taking 39 lashes.

Then the moment my blood began to run
Was the moment you decided we were done.

Untitled.

No wonder she's hurting. When was she last shown love?
No wonder she's quiet. When was she last taken seriously?

No wonder she's insecure. When was she last given reassurance?

When? Now. But is it too late to feel it?

When? Now. But is it too late to believe it?

When? Now. But is it too late to accept it?

NO!

How do you help? Never stop showing her love. She'll feel you mean it one day.

How do you help? Never stop taking her seriously. She'll believe you mean it one day?

How do you help? Never stop giving her reassurance. She'll accept you mean it one day.

She may be hurting. She may be quiet. She may be insecure.

But one thing is for certain: she is not alone anymore.

Total Transformation

She was on her own; she was left for dead,

No life, no hope, no future to be seen,

You name it; she tried it to get ahead,

So desperate to be known, she could not dream.

She loved to get drunk, she loved to party,

Her stomach has been pumped, just to be seen,

Her life was at risk, she was not sorry,

Along with these drugs came no chance to see.

That’s when You step in, You reverse her life,

She comes running, resting in Your embrace,

She begs You to end her internal strife,

She looks at You, tears streaming down her face.

Now, every day, she lives to worship You,

Through Your love alone, she has been made new.

Lasts and Firsts

Her father comes upstairs.

“Time to say good-bye.”

She turns to me – her tear-filled eyes gazing into my heart –

And gives me a hug for the last time.

His mother walks in the door.

“Almost time to leave.”

He turns to me – a lone tear running down his cheek –

And shows me a smile for the last time.

Her brother comes down the hall.

“Time to go home.”

She turns to me – a suspicious grin creeping across her face  –

And gives me a kiss for the first time.

Left on the Shoulder

Now I stand here, left on the shoulder

The road we traveled was long and abandoned;

The desert around us was dry and hot;

The journey we shared was calm and joyful;

So tell me. What happened?

Now I stand here, left on the shoulder

Was it the speed bumps we went over?

Was it the endless traffic that distracted us?

Was it the dark skies that we drove through?

So tell me. What happened?

Now I stand here, left on the shoulder

I hope you’ll come back,

Then you can tell me what happened.

Untitled

I need a break.

All this stress is burying me alive,
The tons of dirt compressing my chest,
I'm fighting for every breath.

I need a break.

All this drama is washing me away,
The floodwaters sweeping my feet out from under me,
I'm grasping for an anchor.

I need a break.

Lightning and Thunder

My whole life is a raging thunderstorm

From the bright flashes to the crashing boom

I’ve been this way ever since I was born

And the storm’s not ceasing any time soon.

I’m the lightning – deadly but rarely harms

I’m the thunder – scary but I leave no mark

They fear me so much; they’ve made storm alarms

So they have a warning before I start.

I’m sick of people fearing knowing me

I want to be friendly, just like the sun

I can be good, I promise – you will see

When you see me, just please don’t turn and run.

I can’t wait for the end of this tempest,

For then, I will finally be at rest.

Lawn Battles

The rivalry between armies is strong,

Equal in strength and number.

Every battle is 90 minutes,

Each ending in one’s demise.

The armies are only 11-strong

And carry no swords or guns,

Yet they come out bruised and bloody;

Sometimes, it’s even worse.

When the 90 minutes come to a close

And a whistle’s shriek sounds,

Some heads are high and some are low,

Yet both armies talk as friends.