Let the Process Begin

It's been nineteen months since that night,
Nineteen months since both our plans changed
It was supposed to be you and me against the world
But life didn't work out that way.

In a moment, joy turned into fear
Our communication - from calls to complex ciphers
A clear, certain future became a dense fog
And our distance started growing ever wider.

Five months later, I lost you for the second time
You told me you were healing, but this chapter would be alone
I admit, I never saw that page-turn coming
But in hindsight, I can see that you had grown.

So I moved - back to a place I knew
I claimed it was for comfort, but really, I was running
I thought I'd started to heal - back to work, serving, and church
But in actuality, I was just numbing.

Tonight, nineteen months later, I'm done running from my feelings
Tonight, I'm ready to process my grief
So this space, I give to you, my daughter
And in this space, Lord, I pray you'll give me peace.